The author would like readers to be aware of the following:
Any post, link, note or other submission of online content is solely the opinion of the author, unless otherwise stated in aforementioned post, link, note or submission.
If content can in anyway be misconstrued as the opinion or policy of any corporate, government, religious, bovine, extraterrestrial or private body, it has not been intended as such and will not be recognised as such by the unnoffending third part aforementioned.
In the case of humourous, satirical, sarcastic or derogatory content published by the author, please be aware it is not the author’s intent to deliberately defame, condescend, impose upon or in any other way negatively impact referenced individuals, groups or bodies as mentioned above.
It is possible (though unlikely) in reading this disclaimer you may have forfeited ownership of your immortal soul, irrespective of previous contracts, religious preference or other association – in no way does the author assume responsibility for the loss or damage of said immortal soul.
Transaction of souls is irreversable and if you can find an ombudsman who’ll take up your complaint, best of luck in negotiating for its return.
As a Telstra employee I am required to note I am in no way authorised to speak on behalf of, or comment in the name of Telstra, although there is a distinct possibility that at some stage I may or will impersonate your cat.
For the record, I am not your cat.
As a member of the human race I will advise I am in no way authorised or accredited to speak on behalf of said species, excepting in the case that I am contacted by a member or members of an intelligent non human species in which case I shall take it upon myself to advise them based upon my personal observations, recollections, and assumed knowledge of our kind.
In this instance, aliens will be obliged to read this disclaimer.
In the unlikely event I am contacted by a non-human intelligent species while at the same time impersonating your cat, I can take no responsibility for any consequence that may befall said cat, fortuitous or otherwise, excepting cases where said non-human intelligent beings decide to worship your cat, in which case I may or may not dispense of my current identity and live out my days as a divine pretend cat.
If this should occur, I will not gurantee than in my divine wrath I will not return to Earth with an army of mutant alien soldiers and decimate the population of the human race.
That being said, these actions will be undertaken under the identity of GodCat, and as such by divine will, earthly laws will no longer apply to me under my assumed identity, therefore I can not be held accountable for destruction of property, looting, genocide or rasberry blowing that may ensue as a result of global annihalation.
Added on bits:
Clearly, I use too much punctuation. This is not a lack of intelligence on my behalf, merely a written representation of my propensity for exaggerated hand gestures when I speak. So ner.